A toast to the bride and groom:
“Good evening everybody. I first want to welcome all the guests who came in from out of town to be with us on Mary Ann and Elie’s special day. People who traveled from Lebanon, Florida… And other exotic places like Windsor, Ont., Boston and New Jersey.
For those of you who don’t know me, I am Mary Ann’s brother.
A quick thank-you to Mr. and Mrs. Tony Skaf. A boy doesn’t turn into a man like Elie without two amazing people rearing him.
And huge congratulations to my parents, Mr. and Mrs. John Hanna, who really hit a home run with both of their children. Well done!
Mary Ann is what I call her when I’m mad at her. Every other time, she is simply Manny.
I actually almost didn’t make it here tonight. When I was two and she was six, Mary Ann tried to kill me. And I have the scar to prove it. We were running around our living room and I fell and hit my face on the edge of our table. A table with razor sharp edges. I am sad to report that the table in question / weapon is still in our basement. Mary Ann claims I slipped and fell, but I know she pushed me.
Nevertheless, she asked me to speak tonight, and I am honored to be drowning in all this attention.
Manny is my sister, that is true, but in the 22 years that I’ve known her, she has also been my stylist—which I haven’t needed since age 12, thanks—my annoying roommate whose long hair I find everywhere, my confidante and my best friend.
I have no doubt that Mary Ann and Elie will live happily ever after, so long as Elie eats fast, because Manny will do the dishes and clear the table before you’re done eating.
So raise your glass for Manny and Elie, or Mannelie as they will now be known, the couple who really knows how to make a third wheel feel like the first.”